


Difficult Questions

by piattos



Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Brotherly Angst, Conversations, Episode: s03e04 The Masks of Venice Caper, Family Drama, Family Issues, Fix Fic, Gen, Guilt, Heart-to-Heart, Mentions of Murder, Questions, Slice of Life, Worry, i just added something, it's not a fix fic exactly bc i don't rly change anything in canon, sorry for the long note at the beginning you can skip if you want hehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27600037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piattos/pseuds/piattos
Summary: Shadowsan and Hideo have a lot to talk about. But can they bring themselves to be honest with their feelings after such a long period of regret and separation?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Difficult Questions

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, wanna know a hot take? I, um, actually was not a big fan of Shadowsan and Hideo forgiving each other after their second meeting. I am sorry, but, even though I was happy at the time, gradually I developed mixed feelings towards it. Not because it's a bad thing, but because it just kinda happened too fast. 
> 
> I wrote this fic to sort of remedy that by having it take place in the middle of The Masks of Venice Caper where Shadowsan hides Hideo from the police while Carmen was being chased by...Chase. I get that it's still a kid's show at heart and milking the drama between them is not the show's prerogative (unless it's Carmen's bc she's the MC, duh), but dang, I feel like I got cheated out of some family angst courtesy of Shadowsan. But oh well. So this fic is basically telling what happens during that short time frame where I imagine the brothers had a heart-to-heart which doesn't seem to happen very often given their reluctance to show emotion to each other...until now that is.
> 
> Honestly, I tried really hard not to make Shadowsan TOO emotional by hearkening back to Season 1 where he was more...yell-y when Carmen accuses him of something, but what can I say? I like writing Shadowsan in emotional turmoil because I'm terrible and why do I keep doing this oh my God-- And look! It's my first fic that DOESN'T involve a ship! *fairy tail wow sound effect.mp3*

Away from the commotion that was happening below and so that the authorities will not see them, Shadowsan led Hideo to the balcony. Once outside, the two brothers looked up to the sky. It was dawn and the sun had already risen, but the light was not yet warm or bright. Shadowsan had walked Hideo as far away from the cacophony as possible so that he could have the chance to talk to him now that they were alone. However, the silence only stretched longer when Shadowsan struggled to find the words to say, until something in his mind just came up.

"I think you gave that woman a concussion."

"I panicked!" exclaimed Hideo defensively, but he held back any more excuses he might've had and calmed himself. "Never mind. Listen..." He took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I was not expecting to see you here."

"It vexes me that of all the scholars from Japan, it would turn out to be you. To say that I was not expecting you either would be an understatement."

"When the police warned us about thieves attempting to steal the masks, I definitely did not expect to see your face again. Or that girl you are apparently working with. What is she anyway? What is she to you? Is she an accomplice?"

"I've...known her for a long time. But we've only worked together not too long ago."

"So did you work alone before then?"

"Not exactly."

"Ah, yes. With the yakuza. That was the latest news I have heard about you before you dropped off the face of the earth. I was told that you were last seen with them. So you have defected?"

"In a way, yes."

"When?"

"It was..." Shadowsan sighed. "It was when we last saw each other."

"So it hadn't been that long." Hideo glared at Shadowsan. "Does that explain why you had decided only then to return the katana you had unlawfully obtained all those years ago? Under my watch, no less?"

"Brother, you don't understand. I actually had left the yakuza long ago after I got a job as..."

"...an international thief?" Hideo interjected.

Shadowsan was about to rebuke his accusation. Realizing that it wasn't that far from the truth, he hesitated. "Something of the sort," he confirmed.

"And during that time have you also used the sword as a weapon?"

He hung his head low. It was like being a child again, but in the worst way. Being scolded, or forced to answer questions that made he couldn't answer right away always made him feel so small. The feeling still rang true even when the two brothers were now adults.

"Look me in the eyes, Suhara, and answer me."

Shadowsan did what he said, furrowing his brows as he answered: "I am not a child anymore, brother. So stop disciplining me as if we are both children and speak to me properly."

"You only ever listened when I raised my voice to you! That's why."

"Well, I am listening now!"

"Then answer the question I had just asked you! Did you or did you not use the sword during and after your time with the yakuza?"

"YES!" Shadowsan moved his face towards him in a sudden manner. "Yes, I have used that _confounded_ sword! I have used it to slice, hack, and pierce! Now if it doesn't trouble you so much, it is my turn to ask you a question."

"Now wait a minute--" Hideo attempted to object.

"Do not interrupt me!" yelled Shadowsan, having not spoken so loud and felt so incensed for awhile that his chest was heaving. Through his breaths, Shadowsan asked: "Why does it seem like all this time, you care more about that sword than your own flesh and blood?! Why is it so difficult for you to just drop the subject of the now returned ancient weapon that you treasure so much when I already bared my soul to you for stealing it in the first place?!"

Hideo was caught off guard at the tone of his voice. The last time he had spoken to him in such a tone was when Suhara was a petulant youth who picked an excuse to argue with him. The feeling seemed different now to see his brother, now old and wrinkled, demanding him to answer his question.

"If you walk away from me, I can promise you that I will never bother you again," said Shadowsan, his voice much calmer but it carried a hint of resignation to whatever outcome he was going to be confronted with, whether good or bad.

"I never cared about the sword." Suhara stood still with his mouth slightly agape. "You never had any idea what I really felt when I saw you stealing that sword, did you?"

"I... You wanted me to kill you..."

"Because I didn't want to see you go down the road you have chosen." Hideo turned to look at the heavens. "Our family was little and all we had was each other. I raised you with blood, sweat, and tears, someday that you would become a wholesome person and this is how you repay me? I will admit right now that there were some things that I went about the wrong way and perhaps it was the reason you turned out the way you did.

"I kept asking myself 'was I too strict?' 'have I abused you without realizing it?' 'was I suffocating you or have I not paid you enough attention?' 'Is that how your rebellious streak began?' I even convinced myself that you were going through a tumultuous phase, given your adolescence, but never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed that you would turn to a life of crime."

Hideo closed his eyes and looked down. Shadowsan tried to reach for his arm, only for Hideo to pull it back from his reach.

"Your attempt to steal the daisho and making off with the katana was the straw that broke the camel's back, if the straw were to weigh a ton. I knew then that if you were ever caught, your life will be ruined. I swore that I will _never_ see you behind bars."

"Then one day, after many years, the daisho was complete again. And you were there. I could not face you after thinking of the deed you might have done during all that time."

"Brother..." Shadowsan approached Hideo slowly. "Please..."

Hideo averted his gaze and continued. "I took a closer look of the sword you have returned, and I've seen the blade has been sharpened, became blunt with use, sharpened again and so on, trying with all its might to hide any rust that might've formed on the edge. And so one question has plagued my mind since that day."

Hideo looked at Shadowsan who saw the worry in his face. Shadowsan didn't know what kind of question Hideo was going to ask, and waited with bated breath.

"Have you tainted this sword with the blood of the lives you have taken?"

Hearing the words come out of his brother's mouth, all the blood from his face drained and he immediately moved away from his side. Hideo walked forward, pleading for Shadowsan's answer.

"If there is any chance for you to prove me wrong, it's now," he said. "Please. Suhara. Tell me it's not true. Tell me I am being preposterous for asking such a question." Shadowsan obviously could not bring himself to say anything.

"What has become of you...?" Hideo simply uttered, a question that he wasn't exactly expecting an answer for.

Shadowsan, with a noticeable tremble in his voice, said to him: "Do you enjoy making me feel guilty and so ashamed of myself?"

"Look at my face and tell me if this is the face of someone who takes pleasure in doing this."

"I don't see how asking me questions about my past would make you feel better."

"It's not about wanting to feel better. It's about the truth, because it's been killing me thinking that you're out there doing these horrid things and I don't want to keep thinking that."

"It would change what you think of me."

"It has already changed, and as much as it pains me, it's never changing back. Sooner or later, you will also have to change what you think of yourself."

It brought to mind the words Shadowsan had once declared about himself.

_I have made grave mistakes, It is this road that I once chose. But I do not consider myself an evil man, despite my former allegiances..._

Shadowsan brought a hand to his face, wiping something in his eyes. He took a deep breath, stifling a sound that came out of his mouth. He kept his composure and determinedly faced his brother, and face the indelible reality that he knew all along deep in his heart.

His answer was simple. "Not anymore..."

"Not anymore..." repeated Hideo. "I see."

Shadowsan knew that Hideo could bare not to look at him again nor even look at him anymore. Hideo's disappointment and immense grief was palpable.

Hideo watched Shadowsan walk away to the other side of the balcony, holding on to the railing with one hand, then stopped. His shoulders quivered, silently at first until he heard a soft sob come out of him. A memory of Suhara as a child came to him again when he snuck out during a prayer to play with his friends and coming back later only to discover that he had gone out with only his socks on, getting them dirty. Before he knew it, an open palm landed on Suhara's cheek, causing him to run off. He cried until he cried himself into an afternoon nap.

It was the first and last time anything like it happened, and Hideo failed to comfort him during his hour of misery. Hideo did not want to make the same mistake again, so he marched forward, turned Suhara around, and locked him in a tight embrace.

Shadowsan had not expected Hideo's gesture at all and was shocked for a minute before he buried his face in his shoulder and let out everything he felt all those years. Nothing will ever be the same again.

The hours went by and the day became warm and bright when the morning sun started to fully shine. After a while, Shadowsan was relieved enough to look at Hideo again. His brother had one more question.

"So what do you do now?"

For once, it was a question that Shadowsan would be proud to answer though not without its complications still.

* * *

With the situation taken care of courtesy of Carmen and her friends, it was time for the brothers to part once more. Shadowsan had explained his current situation to Hideo, withholding information that needed to be kept secret. Hideo seemed to understand it for the most part and although he could not welcome him back, he gave him a smile. Shadowsan knew that there was work to be done somewhere in the world and so he understood him.

From the boat, Carmen, Ivy, and Zack looked on with joy. So with a respectful bow to one another, Shadowsan and Hideo bid their farewells. Shadowsan watched the figure of his brother disappear into the distance once their boat sped away on the river. His chest felt light but there was a bitterness that came along and he couldn't stop bringing his hand up to it. The look on his face was not lost on the team.

"Did something happen between you two?" asked Ivy.

"Was it bad?" asked Zack.

"Guys, one at a time. Give him some air." Carmen chastised them both.

"It's all right," he reassured all of them. "We simply got acquainted with each other's affairs... It was not easy, but I'm glad it happened."

He smiled.


End file.
